Thursday, November 19, 2009

Another Modest Proposal

I just returned from the hospital after watching a few procedures and thought of a wonderful way to reduce health care costs and at the same time improve quality. I checked this out with the nursing staff, and yes indeed I did have to run fairly quickly in the opposite direction, it did strike a chord. Here it is, and I offer this great idea free of charge to all the Democrats.

Pay minimum wages to all health care workers, make it law, but then allow the patients to pay tips, yes that's correct, tips. If the patient is satisfied, well, they should show it. Tips are paid by patients and the minimum wage is what the Government pays to the staff, and yes even the hospital. So if a good doc saves your life, how about a $15,000 tip. Yes, you heard me, a good fat tip. The IRS would love this, NOT.

In addition, tips may be paid before and/or after a procedure. For example if you have a very nice care and you want to get out of the garage quickly, you may tip the parking attendant say $20 when you arrive, so that they remember you. It works, you will get great service. In New York, if you do that, then after some event, even if you arrive after 100 others, somehow your car comes up next! Great service. So consider tipping your surgeon beforehand, that way there is a clear economic incentive. Let the surgeon know that there is more where that came from. And the tips can be in cash, or even gold bars, so that it becomes inflation proof. A new market can be made for tip insurance, and perhaps CDSs for tips. This can jump start the economy, in a heartbeat!

So I also tried this out on the staff at the local restaurant near the hospital, they thought it was great, and they said that all those fat egotistic ner'e do well Wall Street Bankers, why they could give say a $20,000,000 tip, a mere 0.1% of their bonus this year alone! And the folks who can't cough up a tip, why the staff gets to know who those folks are, and the next colonoscopy, why they will remember the experience all too well.

So my readers, rush to your local Senator and Congressperson and tell them, shout it out, tips!, yes tips are the solution.

Thank God I don't practice.